February 13, 2019 by Erin Gray
The Sibling Bond
- Have you ever thought about how your relationships you have define you?
- What is your oldest relationship/ friendship?
- Do you remember how you met?
- Did you ever think what it would be if you lost your sibling?
When you have siblings you have instant friendships. I was born the youngest of four. Growing up I never knew my life without my built in friendships.
A sibling bond is unique. Siblings know the true you before you even knew who you were.
They may accept you for all the different phases you have been in your life.
The great thing about a sibling is they may and can make fun of you. They can ask why you are doing some of the things you are doing. And the can be so raw and honest about it more than most people in your life.
Your siblings are also the ones who know your family. They know them in such a way that others wouldn’t experience it.
I grew up in a dysfunctional alcoholic household. My siblings were my safety net when my parents were drinking or arguing. When my siblings were around I felt safe.
As you get older your relationship may change with your siblings. The relationship evolves as you move out, become adults and have your own families.
My mother passed away 16 years ago. After my mother passed my siblings and I had an unbreakable bond that seemed to be strengthened by tragedy. My relationship with my siblings was my constant in my life. Even if our relationship wasn’t always picture perfect, I knew they were always a text or a call way.
My Sister Shannon
October 2017 my life changed when I received a call from my father. My father told me that my sister Shannon had suffered a cardiac arrest, from an accidental overdose of Klonopin and alcohol.
The day in October my world stopped, and I was in denial for the first few days while she was in ICU. I was hoping she would get better and the doctors were wrong. When I flew up to see her at the hospital, I saw that she was a lot worse than I could imagine.
A few days after I arrived at the hospital we made the decision to have my sister taken off of life support, and she passed away soon after. I was devastated at the loss of my sibling.
Since my sister passed away it I have had difficult days. It has been hard to learn learn what my life will look like with out my sister in it. I have so many memories that pop up daily. Many of the memories I will laugh or cry thinking of them. I am grateful that I have the memories of her, and sad she is gone.
I have to remind myself not only did I lose my sister, and my first friend. When Shannon died I also lost the future of what could have been with her.
Losing a parent was hard for me. It was sad to see my mom ill and suffer, and of course I miss her every day. But I think we expect that we will lose our parents at sometime during our lives. You don’t expect you will have to write your sister’s eulogy and bury your sister.
Lessons Learned From Loss of a Sibling
Since my sister passed have learned that I need to allow myself to be gentler,and allow the grief to happen.
We can’t rush grief; it is a process that does take time.
It is okay to allow myself to honor my feelings, and emotions when they come up.
Sibling loss is unique, and the grief may be more intense than other loss you have experienced.
I don’t need to apologize if I am grieving or sad.
Schedule An Appointment
If you have experienced grief and loss, and would like to talk to someone please feel free to contact me for an appointment.